Healing

“Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth.” Mike Tyson


3 broken noses, 6 broken fingers, 2 broken hands, 1 broken wrist, 2 cracked ribs, ½ dozen black eyes, enough cracked teeth to have my dental x-rays used in dentistry school… Yep, I’ve lost my share of fights. My self-surprising willingness to toe-off at the drop of a hat has been labeled by friends as courageous, reckless, and suicidal. To me it was always just a thing I did. I never really thought much about fighting until a fight was over.


So as I stood before Judge Gardunia last March listening to her read off a grocery list of penalties I was sentenced to, I didn’t really feel much. I just looked down, exhaled slowly and took my blows. And for anyone who has never understood the criminal mindset let me just clarify this as simply as I can: Getting penalized by the law is like learning to fight. The more hits we take and live through, the more unafraid we become. To America’s average Jonny-Do-Good, being beaten might sound life-ending. But for someone who finds their identity in scars, its validation. (for further reference on this, Google: Repeat Offenders and read anything you find) Simply put, you cannot beat the fight out of a boxer. You have to heal the fight within them.


So you see I haven’t been in a lot of fights over the years as much as I’ve just been in the same fight since I was a kid. I’m fighting with myself and I’m taking that fight with me everywhere I go. And I’ll tell you one more thing; I’m not the only one.


Personally, I’ve been in a life-long fight with my own spirituality. As Blaise Pascal said, "There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus." I’ve been fighting that vacuum since I was a kid and getting pummeled continually as I tried to fill that hole with sex, alcohol, and drugs. Now that I have faith, I’m starting to feel at peace. I’m lowering my fists without being afraid.