Me?

Me? I still look at my own life with a pessimistic fear. Because my identity has always and naturally been in myself. And ‘myself’ has many weaknesses, many needs, and all too many failures.


And even though I can believe I’m called on a journey I’m still nervous and uncertain to move. Because I cannot see the path and am in fear of losing my present place.


And please stop preaching to me about Heaven; because it’s not enough for me to prepare for this journey by putting my hope in the destination. It’s not enough to believe that by my New Identity, namely the Holy Spirit of God within me; I am being led through this wilderness to that destination.


Even-so-far as knowing that every temporal thing I stand in fear of losing actually serves no greater purpose than to guide me like sign posts into that place- it’s still not enough to unchain me from them! Why!?!


Because I need the cross... I need to die on that cross.


‘To be crucified with Christ so it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. So that the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me…, who gave himself for me.’ (Gal 2:20)


Truthfully, don’t expect me or anyone else to leave all they know because you told them about a place called Heaven. I don’t need Heaven- I need Jesus.


And it’s only while standing, wrapped and embraced in the arms of Jesus that I can have the strength and the courage and the meaning to look to this entire world with everything in it and with tears in my eyes scream out, “When did you humble yourself for me!? When did you suffer on my behalf!? When did you ever promise to give me new life!? When did you ever intercede in MY trial so that I could be seen innocent, pure, and blameless? When did even the smallest part of you die so I might live?”


Yeah, I still look at my own life with pessimistic fear. Because I’m not in heaven, not yet. But I will nail this earthly life to the cross tonight and every night with him who hangs there with me. And with my last feeble plea of repentance let every cold, steel link to the chain of sin this world has wrapped me in from birth shatter and fall from my broken body. So that as I wake each morning I might have just enough hope to pray that I am risen in Him who was raised before me.


No, don’t talk to me about any journey though. Don’t talk to me about my destiny. Don’t talk to me about me at all… Just give me Jesus.


"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." -Philippians 3:8-11